I just want us...

I'm writing this now because I want to remember this tomorrow. How I came home from work... missing you and wanting you. Needing to feel you close to me. As the night with you progressed I realized it had been over 3 hours of dancing and playing in the kitchen. Touching you playfully as you would occasionally give me some of those body wrenching touches right back. The feeling of wanting you so intense. I've never wanted anyone the way that I want you. Amazing night. Always with laughter and playing. Thinking of the moments that make me numb. Feelings that make my hips move in repetitious circles as I'm imaging gliding over you, so slowly. Feels so good. God I miss you. I  wait patiently for you.  To be in the same moment. To want me the same exact way. Without excuses. Without boundaries.  Just us. Flesh on flesh. Love with love. Heart to heart.
There was a time we couldn't get enough of each other. A time where a discussion could lead into pain in areas that could only be relieved by you. Excruciating pain. Sitting up straight. Holding my legs together. Feeling the pressure. Wanting you you love me so hard.  Wanting you to want me, wanting you to need me.  To touch me.  Miss me and kiss me like you used to. 
But instead you go upstairs without me.  You leave me.  You have no idea the way I feel right now.  The way your emotions change.  How you go from making me feel like the happiest girl on the planet to the girl who has no idea what just happened.  A switch was flipped. You become someone else.  Someone I didn't want to be around.  A girl who made me feel like I was back in a moment I never wanted to be.  A moment that made me feel alone and so sad.
How can you make me feel two different emotions in less than five hours.  Can the alcohol be that strong? Is it fair to say that we can't drink together.  That our minds dont go on the save wavelength or the same level when alcohol is involved. We lose it.  We lose everything we are. Everything we stand for. All the reasons that we fell in love. All the emotions and all the tears we have shared,  we lose it all. 
We become different.  Our hips stop, the long slow circles they make no more.  The thought of you touching me, kissing me. Holding me so close is no longer something that feels imminent . I lost it. That feeling is gone.  I don't know how I can go from one end to another in such a short time.... how do you flip like that and not see it. Not recognize it.  Not know the damage and pain you cause to my heart,  my soul. You crush me.  You go from being the one person I can't imagine living with out to the one person im trying to imagine living the rest of my life with.  
How does that happen?
I don't like you this way. 
I don't want it to be like this.
I want the laughter,  the love,  the happiness and no pain. 
I want the sex,  the emotions,  the wetness all in vain. 
No boundaries,  no distrust,  no tears or fights.
Just us,  one true love,  giving with all of our might. 
I just want us...
I just want us. 

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