How do you love a narcissist

I've witnessed a mother,  friends, a son,  ex wife,  ex girlfriends and close family all go through the hell that he caused.  How many people have to turn their backs before the point is taken.  Friends come and go, to the point where you can't keep track. I always said I would be there no matter what but I guess even the most loyal of people can back out of a promise. I got pushed to that point. Over so many years I put all my faith in to him, no matter how wrong he may of been, I always believed he "could change". Years of so many lies, lies that even he began to think were true, ones that hurt people and sometimes were unnecessary. He could tell a story like it really happened and you were a part of it and most people were too shocked, or afraid to say it didn't . He stole from so many people, family and friends. From little things that didn't need to be stolen to things like trust. 

Always know to never cross him, never call him out and most certainly never disagree with anything he is saying especially in front of other people. You would pay for it. He can make the happiest girl cry, the prettiest girl feel ugly and the strongest one feel weak. His bad side was a force to be reckoned with. His temper and his tone can make you cry from either being scared of what he would do next or anger that you had to go through it yet again. 

He is without a doubt the picture perfect narcissist. 

Anyone who has lived with or worked for a narcissist will tell you: Narcissists view themselves entirely differently — i.e., preferentially — compared to others, making those around them less valued. And there’s the rub: Everything must be about the narcissist. We don’t mind that a 2-year-old needs constant attention. That’s appropriate for the developmental stage of a 2-year-old. But we do mind when a 40-year–old needs that level of appreciation — and when achieving it comes at our expense.

Narcissists victimize those around them just by just being who they are, and they won’t change. That statement may seem extreme, until you listen to the stories of those who have been victimized by a narcissist. Then you realize just how toxic relationships with these individuals can be.

How Narcissists See Themselves

1. I love myself, and I know you do, too. In fact, everyone does. I can’t imagine anyone who doesn’t.

2. I have no need to apologize. You, however, must understand, accept, and tolerate me no matter what I do or say.

3. I have few equals in this world, and so far, I have yet to meet one. I am the best _______ (manager, businessman, lover, student, etc.).

4. Most people don’t measure up. Without me to lead, others would flounder.

5. I appreciate that there are rules and obligations, but those apply mostly to you, because I don’t have the time or the inclination to abide by them. Besides, rules are for the average person, and I am far above average.

6. I hope you appreciate all that I am and everything that I have achieved for you — because I am wonderful and faultless.

7. I do wish we could be equals, but we are not and never will be. I will remind you with unapologetic frequency that I am the smartest person in the room and how well I did in school, in business, as a parent, etc. — and you must be grateful.

8. I may seem arrogant and haughty, and that’s OK with me; I just don’t want to be seen as being like you.

9. I expect you to be loyal to me at all times, no matter what I do. However, don’t expect me to be loyal to you in any way.

10. I will criticize you, and expect you to accept it, but if you criticize me, especially in public, I will come at you with rage. One more thing: I will never forget or forgive, and I will pay you back one way or another — I am a “wound collector.”

11. I expect you to be interested in what I have achieved and what I have to say. I, on the other hand, am not at all interested in you or what you have achieved, so don’t expect much curiosity or interest from me about your life. I just don’t care.

12. I am not manipulative; I just like to have things done my way, no matter how much it inconveniences others, or how it makes them feel. I don’t care how others feel — feelings are for the weak.

13. I expect gratitude at all times, for even the smallest things I do. As for you, I expect you to do as I ask.

14. I only associate with the best people, and frankly, most of your friends don’t measure up.

15. If you would just do what I say, things would be better.

As you can imagine, it is not easy living with or working with someone who thinks or behaves this way. The experience of those who have done so teaches us the following (and if you remember nothing else from this post, remember this): Narcissists overvalue themselves and devalue others, and that means you. You will never be treated as an equal, you will never be respected, and you will in time be devalued out of necessity, so that they can overvalue themselves.

The worst part is almost everyone involved in this person's life have talked shit behind his back but tolerate him to his face. Mostly due to the fear of having to deal with the repercussions of standing up to him. This person needs help that none of us are qualified to give.  At this point I'm afraid the help is way past the benefit.  I can only pray that one day he is able to look in the mirror and fight against all the evil that resides in his heart. I cry for the ones that he has caused pain. I cry for the pain that he causes himself. But regardless of it all I cry because I miss my brother that I know I have in there.